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Extreme Otiti 

Extreme Otiti Words

An ongoing series of informational entries

Part Two Continued...

July 19th, 2020

I continued searching secretly while leading everyone to believe that I was okay. Everyone else saw the greatness in me, but my mother knew it was all a facade And, she called it out several times. I remember one particular time she said, "TT, you are not fine." I did not want her to worry about me; in fact, I did not want anyone to worry about me. If anything, I worried about everyone else. I made sure everyone else was okay. I gave all of me to make sure everyone was taken care of, and you guessed correctly, I began to wither away mentally.

I never established my identity, my values, my purpose, or what exactly made me happy. Honestly, I looked for others to make me happy, and if they were not available or present to offer happiness, I waited for them. See, the funniest part of not having your own identity is that you wait for others to validate you. What's even crazier is to wait for others to make you love yourself. I know that's deep: I wanted to be the sparkle in my husband's eyes….I did not care about being worthy within myself. I did not focus on creating my own sparkle. Actually, I dimmed my own light...Life began to change drastically for me several years later. And here is what I did...

Part Two of Three! Make sure you connect with me via Facebook to stay connected for Part Three!!!

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Extreme Otiti 

Part One Continued...

July 18th, 2020

Far too many times, especially women, feel the need to be perfect. We work hard to make a mark in this world, only to believe that we are never good enough. We fall in love, marry, have children, and that’s it! We place all of our dreams in a cabinet in a godforsaken deep treacherous hole in our heart and close the door. If that’s you can I please get an “AMEN!”

We stop taking care of ourselves only to live through our children, to push our significant other to love us a particular way, wake-up day in and day out to work a job that’s not challenging. Wooo. That was a lot. Have you been there? Have you felt that at one point in your life? I have.

I have had periods where I sat in my car alone and cried. I have had periods where taking a shower became a place for tears and silent cries. Ugh! Let’s not talk about emotional eating- Dammit! I would literally have two meals at work for lunch, snack all day, eat dinner, snack at night, and go to sleep unfilled. Every morning I would wake up to pain because I was overweight. I was suffocating in my life. It showed at my full-time job, at home, in my business, on my face, and internally.

This experience of brokenness was my life for years- for longer than I can remember. I honestly felt that I may have done something wrong, mistreated someone along the way, for me to feel unworthy. What I have acknowledged in more ways than one is that I needed to fix my entire life.

Part One of Three! Make sure you connect with me via Facebook to stay connected for Part Two!!!

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Extreme Otiti